Learning to love differently is hard,

学会不同方式的爱是困难的，

love with the hands wide open, love

爱却不握紧，爱的大门

with the doors banging on their hinges,

并不固定在门轴上，

the cupboard unlocked, the wind

柜门大敞，风在屋中呼啸，

roaring and whimpering in the rooms

让床单簌簌作声，

rustling the sheets and snapping the blinds

百页窗猛地关上，

that thwack like rubber bands

就像皮筋

in an open palm

狠狠地打在手掌心。

It hurts to love wide open

让爱松开是疼痛的，

stretching the muscles that feel

就像拉伸肌肉，

as if they are made of wet plaster,

那肌肉群开始是湿石膏做的

then of blunt knives, then

然后是钝刀子，然后

of sharp knives.

是锐利刀锋。

It hurts to thwart the reflexes

爱然后一次次放手，

of grab, of clutch ; to love and let

阻止抓握的条件反射是疼痛的；

go again and again. It pesters to remember

在空床上想起恋人，

the lover who is not in the bed,

抑制那充分发力的爱情

to hold back what is owed to the work

那自觉地、认真地、实在地、建设性地

that gutters like a candle in a cave

爱情，

without air, to love consciously,

如今它像烛光在空气稀少的洞穴里摇曳

conscientiously, concretely, constructively.

搅扰肝肠。

I can’t do it, you say it’s killing

我做不到。你说这样做是在

me, but you thrive, you glow

杀死我，但是你容光焕发，

on the street like a neon raspberry,

在街上闪闪亮亮

You float and sail, a helium balloon

就像一盏野红莓霓虹灯。

bright bachelor’s button blue and bobbing

你放飞一个氦气球，

on the cold and hot winds of our breath,

上面有着艳丽的“单身”徽章，

as we make and unmake in passionate

在我们呼吸出的热的、

diastole and systole the rhythm

冷的风中摇摆。

of our unbound bonding, to have

当我们系上和解开

and not to hold, to love

那激情的舒张和收缩中

with minimized malice, hunger

我们注定要松开的结，

and anger moment by moment balanced.

拥有却不占有，

那最小恨意的爱情，

饥渴和怨怒，在分分秒秒中平衡。

拥有，但却无法抓牢。