现在看来似乎有些疯狂，

It seems insane now, but

但她曾站在那里，被校园的晨光浸透，

she’d be standing soaked

她的活页笔记本，

in schoolday morning light,

在公共汽车站闪烁着微光，

her loose-leaf notebook,

而我们几乎在战栗——

flickering at the bus stop,

and we almost trembled

只要想到她的嘴唇

曾片刻含住我们两人短小的名字。我不确定

at the thought of her mouth

当我们看她的脸庞时，

filled for a moment with both

究竟看到了什么，但在十五岁，

of our short names. I don’t know

仍有那么多可以去信仰的东西，

what we saw when we saw

her face, but at fifteen there’s

以至于一个眼中含着夕阳、

so much left to believe in,

带着和蔼微笑，

亮蓝色超短裙轻柔遮住

that a girl with sunset

裸露大腿的女孩，真的

in her eyes, with a kind smile,

可以是“女神”。甚至

and a bright blue miniskirt softly

她唇上的光泽都在叹息：

shading her bare thighs really

亲吻我吧，你就再也不必

could be The Goddess. Even

the gloss on her lips sighed

去做功课了。有些周六，

Kiss me and you’ll never

我的铁哥们泰瑞会说：“猜猜

谁在斯坦顿街的药店里

do homework again. Some Saturdays

买茶莓味口香糖？”

my ace, Terry, would say, “Guess

我能看到那甜蜜的“顿悟”

who was buying Teaberry gum

仍在他眼中闪烁着震撼，

in the drugstore on Stenton?”

And I could see the sweet

而我知道，他知道

epiphany still stunning his eyes

我知道他知道，我知道——

尤其是当夏天来临，

and I knew that he knew

太阳迟迟不落，直到我们

that I knew he knew I knew—

除了渴望和猜想那些迷人的黑人姐妹

especially once summer had come,

and the sun stayed up till we had

无事可做。她们穿着轻薄的七分裤

nothing else to do but wish

和詹姆斯·布朗尖叫赞美的那种热裤！

and wonder about fine sistas

克里斯托·贝里、黛安·拉姆齐、金·格雷夫斯，

还有她。那是1970年左右：

in flimsy culottes and those hotpants!

越战在左，黑人穆斯林运动在右，

James Brown screamed about: Crystal

巨大的爆炸头遍布我的

Berry, Diane Ramsey, Kim Graves,

and her. This was around 1970: Vietnam

费城。我们并不知道

to the left of us, Black Muslims

自己身处何方，不知道有多少历史

to the right, big afros all over my

曾在我们之前发生——多少

残酷，以及还有多少死亡

Philadelphia. We had no idea

正在途中。对我和泰瑞来说，

where we were, how much history

那是万事皆说“也许”的时代，

had come before us—how much

cruelty, how much more dying

而“也许”被一个十年级女孩的美

was on the way. For me and Terry,

晃瞎了双眼，这是一种证明——

it was a time when everything said

在那一小段时间，那些不断撕咬世界的利齿

放过了我们。我想表彰

maybe, and maybe being blinded

by the beauty of a tenth grader

我的父母，表彰他们保持了冷静，

was proof that, for a little while,

没有辞职，没有拿起枪支，

we were safe from the teeth

并且从未停止念叨

that keep chewing up the world.

那句惊人的“优等生面前有无数扇门”。

I’d like to commend

我希望

my parents for keeping calm,

我曾亲吻过

for not quitting their jobs or grabbing

德洛丽丝·杰普斯。我希望我能

guns and for never letting up

拥有一点点关于她那温暖且辛辣的

about the amazing “so many doors

唇间的记忆，好让这些饥渴的文字

open to good students.” I wish

有所附着。我

I had kissed

想和她共舞，

Delores Jepps. I wish I could

在一首慢歌中，在她那光洁如太妃糖般的

have some small memory of her

双臂里，慢慢熬煮：她的身体

warm and spicy mouth to wrap

平衡在在“诱惑”乐队的五重唱

these hungry words around. I

和我之间——我，一个被青春期涂了圣油的男孩，

would like to have danced with her,

一个平均分B，

to have slow-cooked to a slow song

有一个酷哥们的孩子。

in her sleek, toffee arms: her body

我想我从未真正理解

balanced between the Temptations’

自己有多孤独，但在十五岁时

five voices and me—a boy anointed

我离那种孤独更近，因为

with puberty, a kid with a B

我一无所知：我的心

average and a cool best friend.

就贴在表层的皮肤之下，

I don’t think I’ve ever understood

how lonely I am, but I was

近到只需伸手，便能将它移动。

closer to it at fifteen because

I didn’t know anything: my heart

so near the surface of my skin

I could have moved it with my hand.