It seems insane now, but

现在看来似乎有些疯狂，

she’d be standing soaked

但她曾站在那里，被校园的晨光浸透，

in schoolday morning light,

她的活页笔记本，

her loose-leaf notebook,

在公共汽车站闪烁着微光，

flickering at the bus stop,

而我们几乎在战栗——

and we almost trembled

只要想到她的嘴唇

at the thought of her mouth

曾片刻含住我们两人短小的名字。我不确定

filled for a moment with both

当我们看她的脸庞时，

of our short names. I don’t know

究竟看到了什么，但在十五岁，

what we saw when we saw

仍有那么多可以去信仰的东西，

her face, but at fifteen there’s

so much left to believe in,

以至于一个眼中含着夕阳、

带着和蔼微笑，

that a girl with sunset

亮蓝色超短裙轻柔遮住

in her eyes, with a kind smile,

裸露大腿的女孩，真的

and a bright blue miniskirt softly

可以是“女神”。甚至

shading her bare thighs really

她唇上的光泽都在叹息：

could be The Goddess. Even

亲吻我吧，你就再也不必

the gloss on her lips sighed

Kiss me and you’ll never

去做功课了。有些周六，

我的铁哥们泰瑞会说：“猜猜

do homework again. Some Saturdays

谁在斯坦顿街的药店里

my ace, Terry, would say, “Guess

买茶莓味口香糖？”

who was buying Teaberry gum

我能看到那甜蜜的“顿悟”

in the drugstore on Stenton?”

仍在他眼中闪烁着震撼，

And I could see the sweet

epiphany still stunning his eyes

而我知道，他知道

我知道他知道，我知道——

and I knew that he knew

尤其是当夏天来临，

that I knew he knew I knew—

太阳迟迟不落，直到我们

especially once summer had come,

除了渴望和猜想那些迷人的黑人姐妹

and the sun stayed up till we had

nothing else to do but wish

无事可做。她们穿着轻薄的七分裤

and wonder about fine sistas

和詹姆斯·布朗尖叫赞美的那种热裤！

克里斯托·贝里、黛安·拉姆齐、金·格雷夫斯，

in flimsy culottes and those hotpants!

还有她。那是1970年左右：

James Brown screamed about: Crystal

越战在左，黑人穆斯林运动在右，

Berry, Diane Ramsey, Kim Graves,

巨大的爆炸头遍布我的

and her. This was around 1970: Vietnam

to the left of us, Black Muslims

费城。我们并不知道

to the right, big afros all over my

自己身处何方，不知道有多少历史

曾在我们之前发生——多少

Philadelphia. We had no idea

残酷，以及还有多少死亡

where we were, how much history

正在途中。对我和泰瑞来说，

had come before us—how much

那是万事皆说“也许”的时代，

cruelty, how much more dying

was on the way. For me and Terry,

而“也许”被一个十年级女孩的美

it was a time when everything said

晃瞎了双眼，这是一种证明——

在那一小段时间，那些不断撕咬世界的利齿

maybe, and maybe being blinded

放过了我们。我想表彰

by the beauty of a tenth grader

was proof that, for a little while,

我的父母，表彰他们保持了冷静，

we were safe from the teeth

没有辞职，没有拿起枪支，

that keep chewing up the world.

并且从未停止念叨

I’d like to commend

那句惊人的“优等生面前有无数扇门”。

我希望

my parents for keeping calm,

for not quitting their jobs or grabbing

我曾亲吻过

guns and for never letting up

德洛丽丝·杰普斯。我希望我能

about the amazing “so many doors

拥有一点点关于她那温暖且辛辣的

open to good students.” I wish

唇间的记忆，好让这些饥渴的文字

有所附着。我

I had kissed

Delores Jepps. I wish I could

想和她共舞，

have some small memory of her

在一首慢歌中，在她那光洁如太妃糖般的

warm and spicy mouth to wrap

双臂里，慢慢熬煮：她的身体

these hungry words around. I

平衡在在“诱惑”乐队的五重唱

和我之间——我，一个被青春期涂了圣油的男孩，

would like to have danced with her,

to have slow-cooked to a slow song

一个平均分B，

in her sleek, toffee arms: her body

有一个酷哥们的孩子。

balanced between the Temptations’

我想我从未真正理解

five voices and me—a boy anointed

自己有多孤独，但在十五岁时

with puberty, a kid with a B

我离那种孤独更近，因为

average and a cool best friend.

我一无所知：我的心

I don’t think I’ve ever understood

就贴在表层的皮肤之下，

how lonely I am, but I was

近到只需伸手，便能将它移动。

closer to it at fifteen because

I didn’t know anything: my heart

so near the surface of my skin

I could have moved it with my hand.