摸索杜家祁

Feeling the Way史春波, 乔治·奥康奈尔 译


長廊昏暗,再望不見其他人
No one around, the corridor long and dark.
是誰忘了開燈
Who turned the lights off?
走到轉角的地方
As we walk to the corner
我和你的肩膀幾乎相碰
our shoulders nearly touch.

我曾像擁有水晶球的吉甫賽女人
Like a Gypsy with her crystal ball
從各人眸中望見各種心思
I once read thoughts in others’ eyes.
你的眼睛卻稠醪如昨夜未喝盡的酒
But yours were thick as last night’s wine
眼底沉澱層層啡黑色雲翳
and layered in dark clouds.

錯覺像遠方駛過的街車
As if a car passed,
燈影一瞬劃過
something lights
片刻照亮我們的處境
this briefly awkward moment
又復歸向固執的黑暗
amid the pressing dark.

我總想變成一隻黑貓
I always wanted to be a black cat
伏在角落只剩一對亮眼觀看世界
crouched in a corner, gazing coldly on the world,
冷眼望你在聚光燈下
so see you now, spotlit
逐漸雕塑自己為一尊銅像
like a statue in bronze, self-sculpted,
而我打算把身軀溶入黝黝的夜色
while I meld with night.

而此刻你走在我身旁
You walk ahead, giving off
發出熱衷領路的雄性氣味
the fragrance of a male.
我卻像被黑巾蒙住了眼睛
Blindfolded, I stretch my hand
我卻只能伸出雙手摸索
into the air of endlessly extending space,
在不斷擴展的黑域內想像
the only thing between us.
空間大小、你我之間距離遠近

除了空氣,我沒有掌握住什麽
Somewhere a car growls by,

and then this silence
錯覺一瞬遠方有車開過
more fatal than a whisper.
引擎低吼一聲歸向命定的寂靜

寂靜中我彷若聽見有人喁喁私語
The lights still out,

I cannot find the switch.
還是沒人開燈
Is the exit far ahead?
我依然摸索不到開關
Our toes feel for the edges of the stairs.
出口的方向是否真在前面?
我們小心地用腳尖探測梯階的邊緣


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