1.

1.

I sit at your side

我坐在妳身邊

watching the tides of consciousness

觀看意識的潮水

move in and out, watching

起落，觀看

the nurses, their caps

護士們，白帽

like so many white gulls circling

如一眾海鷗盤旋

the bed. The window 

於床上。窗戶

grows slowly dark

慢慢變暗，

and light again,

然後點亮，

and dark. The clock

再變暗。鐘表

tells the same old stories.

訴說相同的故事。

Last week you said, now

上個星期妳說，現在

you’ll have to learn 

妳必須學習

to sew for yourself.

自己縫紉。

If the thread is boredom,

如果線令人厭倦，

the needle is grief.

針就是悲痛。

I sit here learning.

我坐在這裏借鑒。

2.

2.

In place of spring

頂替春天

I offer this branch 

我獻上這枝

of forsythia

連翹，

whose yellow blossoms

它黃豔的花簇

I have forced.

我強使開放。

You force a smile

妳擠出一個微笑

in thanks. Outside

表示感謝。外面

it is still cold;

依然寒冷；

who knows how long

誰知道嚴寒

the cold will last?

會持續多久？

But underground,

而在地下，

their banners still furled,

它們旗幟蜷曲，

whole armies of flowers wait.

花的大軍在候命。

3.

3.

I am waiting for you to die,

我正等待妳死去，

even as I try to coax you

儘管我試圖哄妳

back to life

回到生活

with custards and soup

用蛋撻和湯羹

and colored pills I shake

還有彩色的藥片彷彿

from the bottle like dice,

骰子在瓶中晃動，

though their magic

儘管它們的魔力

went out of the world

已隨外科醫生父親，

with my surgeon father,

那最後的魔術師

the last magician.

走出這個世界。

I am waiting

我正等待

for you to be again

妳再次成為

what you always were,

妳曾經所是，

for you to be there whole

完整地在那兒

for me to run to with this new grief—

好讓我帶著新的痛苦跑過去——

your death—the hair grown back

妳的死——頭髮向後生長

on your skull the way it used to be,

在妳的顱骨上一如既往，

your widow’s peak the one sure landmark

妳寡婦的頂峰，我童年地圖上

on the map of my childhood,

可靠的地標，

those years when I believed

那些年我曾相信

that medicine and love and being good

藥和愛和善良

could save us all.

可以挽救一切人。

4. 

4.

We escape from our mothers

我們逃離母親

again and again, young

一次又一次，年輕的

Houdinis, playing the usual matinees.

胡迪尼，習慣了日間表演。

First comes escape down

起先逃出

the birth canal, our newly carved faces

生產的運河，我們新鮮刻造的臉龐

leading the way like figureheads

像古老的奴隸船頭

on ancient slaveships,

領航的雕像，

our small hands rowing for life.

小手劃呀劃向生命。

Later escape into silence, escape

後來逃入寂靜，逃到

behind slammed doors,

砰然關響的門後，

the flight into marriage.

婚姻的試航。

I thought I was finally old enough

我以為我年歲已夠

to sit with you, sharing a book.

可與妳並坐，分享一本書。

But when I look up

但是當我從書頁間

from the page, you

抬起頭，妳已

have escaped from me.

從我逃遁。