你从未在密西西比见过真正的丁香。
You’ve never seen a lilac in Mississippi.
在后台，你抹着混合了
Backstage you wear lotion laced with
化学仿制香味的乳液。芭蕾女导师
its chemical imitation. A ballet mistress
总像下令般说着“relevé”：
says relevé always as command: lift
只用脚跟发力，将身体推向脚趾。
onto the toe using only the heel.
你脚踝的无所适从
Your ankle’s bewilderment
同观众席中弓着背的母亲
old as the horned owl gaze from
角鸮般的注视一样苍老。
your mother hunched in the audience.
你作为丁香仙子登台，
You enter the stage as Lilac Fairy
仙子总能促成关键的事。
& fairies make critical things happen,
尽管在你在薄纱之下，
though underneath your tulle brushing
挥舞魔棒让整个王国沉睡，你只是一只
sleep over a kingdom, you’re a mouse
每晚都被吞噬的老鼠。
who gets eaten every night.
没有观众想看那一幕。包括
No audience wants to see that. Not
藏在你母亲开襟衫里那些扎人的羽毛。
the barbed feathers tucked in your
如果你假装营救即将来临，
mother’s cardigan. If you pretend
也许它真的会来。
rescue is coming, it might.
Relevé 意味着升起，也意味着解脱。
Relevé meaning rise & also relief.
头随着脚跟一同抬起。
Lift your head along with the heel.
那个被母亲说成“不是男孩”的男孩，
A boy your mother says is not a boy
在楼座注视着你的单腿旋转。
follows your pirouettes from the balcony.
一个疑问已经出现：升起到何处。
Already a wondering, rise to what.
没有童话，芭蕾便无法上演。
The ballet can’t perform without
舞台对于魔法是安全的，
fairy tale. The stage is safe for magic,
或者至少假装如此。
or at least pretend. Almost everyone gets
在《睡美人》里，几乎每个人都有独舞，
a solo in Sleeping Beauty, so no surgeon’s
所以没有哪个外科医生的女儿
daughter has hidden your pointe shoes
会把你的足尖鞋藏在更衣室的沙发下面。
in the dressing room couch. The boy
那个男孩小心翼翼地没带鲜花，
was careful not to bring flowers
但你能感觉到他的目光环绕
but you can feel his eyes bending around
你的双肩、锁骨和颈部——你几乎忘记
the shoulders, clavicle, and neck you forgot
它们的存在。在这几分钟里，，
existed. When these minutes end,
他的目光跳着自己的单脚旋转舞
these minutes of spinning his eyes
当这几分钟结束，这个世界
in their own pirouette, the world
将不再允许你坐着他的红色“烈马”越野车离开，
won’t allow you to leave in his red Bronco,
永远不会。此时，“希望”听起来
not anymore. Already, hope sounds like
已经像是成年人的在说“魔法”。
the adult word for magic. Relevé
Relevé 意味着
meaning how much choreographed
一个王国能容忍多少排练好的解脱。
relief a kingdom tolerates. Already
此时，你正学着台下的规则：
you are learning the off-stage rules
关于谁会被营救。关于
about who gets rescued. Who throws
谁抛出鲜花，而谁将它们接住。
flowers, who catches them.