周五晚上他问我，你是不是不开心。

It’s a Friday night when he asks me if I’m unhappy.

我在插播广告时按下暂停，知道我必须用词绝对准确。

I pause mid-commercial break, knowing I must extract the right words.

我快速嘟囔着我不是不开心，

I quickly mumble I’m not unhappy,

但也不是开心。

but also not happy.

他像一床皱巴巴的羽绒被一样沉陷下去。

He sinks like a crumpled duvet.

为了在我们陷入互相指责的游戏之前抓住他，

Hoping to catch him before he falls deeper into blame games,

我试图把言语织成摸起来舒服的布面，

I attempt to fashion words into comforting cloth

来解释这一点重要的认识：

to explain it’s crucial to recognize:

我首先说的是我没有不开心。

I said I wasn’t unhappy first.

我生活在中间地带，像一节地铁车厢、半轮月亮，或者

I live in the in- between like a subway car or a half moon or a

一架卡在楼层中间的电梯。

broken elevator paused mid-floor.

如今，谁不是生活在路口的黄灯下？

Who isn’t living at the yellow light at a traffic stop these days?

没有人准备好逃离，但也没有人想留下。

No one is quite ready to flee, but no one wants to stay.

我当前生活的病症还没到晚期，

The disease of my current living situation isn’t terminal,

但我开始觉得它无药可医。

but I’m beginning to think there is no cure.

我在脑海中演着离开又回来的哑剧，

Playing a mental charade of leaving

每次十五分钟，持续了七个月。

and coming back for fifteen minutes

可笑的是，

for the last seven months.

它最初只是个十秒钟的小游戏。

Crazy to think it started off as a ten-second game.

我说我一直在回来，

I say I keep coming back,

也许我并不开心，

and maybe I’m not happy,

但我说过要持之以恒地玩这个游戏，

but I said I’m in this for the long run,

即使此刻我有点无法呼吸。

even if I’m a little out of breath at the moment.