候鸟显现它们的形状——

Migratory birds make their shapes—

我将我的思绪与我分离，

I hold my thoughts as separate from me

以便我能看见它们。

so that I can see them.

我所感受到的黑暗

That the darkness I feel

不是我的，并非与生俱来……

is not mine, does not belong innately to me. . .

许多人将他们的悲伤

That many people have chorded their sadness

缠绕在我身边……

around me. . .

无论那是什么样的冬天，

Whatever that winter was,

我都已度过。

I have made it through.

现在我站在黯淡的光线下，走在湖泊更暗的那边。

Now I stand in diminished light, walking the lake’s darker edge.

每次我们回到一段记忆，我们都会改变它。

Each time we return to a memory, we change it.

所以，当我告诉你那些在丛林中的夜晚，睡在

So, when I tell you about those nights in the jungle, sleeping

吊床上，那天空，有那么一次

in hammocks, the sky, for once

没有被人类的光芒所黯淡

not dulled by human light

以及那个在我身边的男孩，不停地告诉我我很美，

and how the boy, next to me, kept telling me I was beautiful,

穿过吊床来触摸我的皮肤，以及我

reaching through the hammocks to touch my skin, and how

无法忍受它

I could not stand it

语言是让我更靠近，还是更远离？

Does language move me closer, or further away?

那时，我紧紧拥抱自己的丑陋。

Back then, I clung to my own ugliness.

如果我是丑陋的，那么我就不会被爱。

If I was ugly, then I could not be loved.

每一天，河水都剥去我皮肤上的污垢。 我认为

Each day, river water stripped my skin of dirt. I thought

感受我的羞耻

it was safer to feel my shame

比欲望更安全。

than it was to want.

也许像所有事物一样，疗愈也在一个季节里休眠，同时在生根。

Maybe like everything, healing has a season, dormant, but rooting.

就像今天，我的心中充满了浪漫的情感，我能看到

Like how, today, my heart is full of romantic feeling, I can see

它无处不在：爱情萦绕在火车上陌生人的脸上。

it everywhere: love on the faces of strangers on the train.

每个人都对着他们的手机温柔地微笑，或者以凝视的目光

Each smiling softly into their phone, or gazing

穿过黑暗。

past the darkness.

长久以来，我选择那些无法相处的人，

For so long, I picked people who could not get along,

欲望曾是一支箭，但现在欲望

Desire was an arrow, but now desire

是原野。

is the field.

我有三个选择：漂泊一生，自我麻醉，或者去软化……

I have three choices: to drift through life

anesthetized, to soften. . .

湖面看起来结冰了，但其实并非如此。

The lake looks frozen, but it is not.