Migratory birds make their shapes—

候鸟显现它们的形状——

I hold my thoughts as separate from me

我将我的思绪与我分离，

so that I can see them.

以便我能看见它们。

That the darkness I feel

我所感受到的黑暗

is not mine, does not belong innately to me. . .

不是我的，并非与生俱来……

That many people have chorded their sadness

许多人将他们的悲伤

around me. . .

缠绕在我身边……

Whatever that winter was,

无论那是什么样的冬天，

I have made it through.

我都已度过。

Now I stand in diminished light, walking the lake’s darker edge.

现在我站在黯淡的光线下，走在湖泊更暗的那边。

Each time we return to a memory, we change it.

每次我们回到一段记忆，我们都会改变它。

So, when I tell you about those nights in the jungle, sleeping

所以，当我告诉你那些在丛林中的夜晚，睡在

in hammocks, the sky, for once

吊床上，那天空，有那么一次

not dulled by human light

没有被人类的光芒所黯淡

and how the boy, next to me, kept telling me I was beautiful,

以及那个在我身边的男孩，不停地告诉我我很美，

reaching through the hammocks to touch my skin, and how

穿过吊床来触摸我的皮肤，以及我

I could not stand it

无法忍受它

Does language move me closer, or further away?

语言是让我更靠近，还是更远离？

Back then, I clung to my own ugliness.

那时，我紧紧拥抱自己的丑陋。

If I was ugly, then I could not be loved.

如果我是丑陋的，那么我就不会被爱。

Each day, river water stripped my skin of dirt. I thought

每一天，河水都剥去我皮肤上的污垢。 我认为

it was safer to feel my shame

感受我的羞耻

than it was to want.

比欲望更安全。

Maybe like everything, healing has a season, dormant, but rooting.

也许像所有事物一样，疗愈也在一个季节里休眠，同时在生根。

Like how, today, my heart is full of romantic feeling, I can see

就像今天，我的心中充满了浪漫的情感，我能看到

it everywhere: love on the faces of strangers on the train.

它无处不在：爱情萦绕在火车上陌生人的脸上。

Each smiling softly into their phone, or gazing

每个人都对着他们的手机温柔地微笑，或者以凝视的目光

past the darkness.

穿过黑暗。

For so long, I picked people who could not get along,

长久以来，我选择那些无法相处的人，

Desire was an arrow, but now desire

欲望曾是一支箭，但现在欲望

is the field.

是原野。

I have three choices: to drift through life

我有三个选择：漂泊一生，自我麻醉，或者去软化……

anesthetized, to soften. . .

湖面看起来结冰了，但其实并非如此。

The lake looks frozen, but it is not.