我无权以那种方式谈论你，

I had no right to talk of you that way,

罗伯特。一个流亡者的嫉妒

Robert. An emigre's envy

必定会促使我嘲弄

Must have prompted me to mock

你长时间的沮丧，恐怖的数周，

Your long depressions, weeks of terror,

假设的安全病房里的假期。

Presumed vacations in the safety of the wards.

这并非来自我正常的傲慢。

It was not from pride in my normalcy.

我知道，疯狂曾一丝丝

Insanity, I knew, was insinuating itself

潜入我的生命

In a thin thread into my very being

只在等我的许可

And only waited for my permission

将我带入其晦暗地带。

To carry me into its murky regions.

我警戒着。就像一个瘸子，

And I was watchful. Like a lame man,

我常常笔直走路，掩饰我的疾病。

I used to walk upright to hide my affliction.

你却不用。因为你已被许可。

You didn't have to. For you it was permitted.

而我没有，我，这块大陆上的流亡者，

Not for me, a refugee on this continent

这里那么多新移民销声匿迹。

Where so many newcomers vanished without a trace.

请宽恕我的误解。你徒劳地反抗疾病，

Forgive me my mistake. Your will was of no use

它宰制你，犹如耻辱，

Against an illness that held you like a stigma,

而在我的愤怒深处是受辱者的

And beneath my anger was the vanity,

无可辩驳的自傲。延误之后，

unjustifiable, of the humiliated. A bit belated,

我给你写诗，穿过隔开我们的东西：

I write to you across what separates us:

手势、风俗、方言、道德习惯。

Gestures, conventions, idioms, mores.