appear in all the early photos.

所有我小时候的照片，

My arms belted around my mother,

我都抱着妈妈的腰，

only the top of my head seen

只露出一个头顶。

because she has spoken sharply

这是因为她刚才说话好凶，

and now resorts to begging.

而现在诉诸于祈求。

“Your father hasn’t seen you

“你爸已经有八个星期

in eight weeks. Smile. Smile!”

没见到你了。笑一笑，笑一笑！”

I am too sad or sick to obey

我太难过，或者痛苦，笑不出来

and she makes that sound

然后她在齿间

between her teeth that

发出一种声音

signals the end of a unit

标志着最后一格的耐心将要用完。

of patience. I release her

我放开她，跑开了。

and dash off. What follows

后来的事情我全无记忆。只记得在那之后，

I don’t remember. Only after,

在树篱边磨蹭，

dawdling along the hedge,

触摸闪烁的小花。

touching the little flaring flowers.

我的手一路滑过，

There are so many that as I run

小花无穷无尽，一朵又一朵

my hand along, I meet more,

除此以外再无其他。我的头顶

nothing else. The top of my head

被太阳晒得滚烫。我意识到

is hot from sun. I understand

我是两个女孩。一个是

I am two girls. The one my mother

妈妈想要的那个，

wants and the one who lives only

另一个只能活在自己的同类之中。

among her own kind.