所有我小时候的照片，

appear in all the early photos.

我都抱着妈妈的腰，

My arms belted around my mother,

只露出一个头顶。

only the top of my head seen

这是因为她刚才说话好凶，

because she has spoken sharply

而现在诉诸于祈求。

and now resorts to begging.

“你爸已经有八个星期

“Your father hasn’t seen you

没见到你了。笑一笑，笑一笑！”

in eight weeks. Smile. Smile!”

我太难过，或者痛苦，笑不出来

I am too sad or sick to obey

然后她在齿间

and she makes that sound

发出一种声音

between her teeth that

标志着最后一格的耐心将要用完。

signals the end of a unit

我放开她，跑开了。

of patience. I release her

后来的事情我全无记忆。只记得在那之后，

and dash off. What follows

在树篱边磨蹭，

I don’t remember. Only after,

触摸闪烁的小花。

dawdling along the hedge,

我的手一路滑过，

touching the little flaring flowers.

小花无穷无尽，一朵又一朵

There are so many that as I run

除此以外再无其他。我的头顶

my hand along, I meet more,

被太阳晒得滚烫。我意识到

nothing else. The top of my head

我是两个女孩。一个是

is hot from sun. I understand

妈妈想要的那个，

I am two girls. The one my mother

另一个只能活在自己的同类之中。

wants and the one who lives only

among her own kind.