BARD, OH MOST BARDFUL

Bard, oh most Bardful,

on dung-heaps go singing,

on straw mattress dreadful

go riding and swinging,

don’t ask us for coppers,

you’re unwanted ’round,

go try the door knocker

next door, one door down!

They’re thronging this way

the ne’er do wells, gorging,

from moral decay

more sickliness forging,

be off, go leaving

all villages, towns,

from puddles go stealing

the star glints you found!

Though stomachs are heaving

we have strength enough,

to add to your grieving

and break your bones, rough,

go and eat offal,

that’s all that you may,

but don’t sing so awful,

and don’t come this way!

By selling some ruses,

you may have some function,

to save cuts and bruises

first smear on bug unction;

Hear out our wishes:

With wild boar herds roam!

We’ll cope fine without you

for God’s sake, back home!