Faulkner said tragedy
福克纳说悲剧
is secondhand, and Anya tells me
都是二手货，阿尼亚告诉我
I love to love a failed artist.
我就是喜欢爱上一个失败的艺术家。
What a month it has been.
这是一个怎样的月份啊。
A massacre of children. Continuous.
对儿童的大屠杀，持续不断。
A bad seed in my life, sprouting wings.
我生命中的一颗劣种，正在长出翅膀。
I cry in front of everyone except my therapist.
我在所有人面前哭泣，除了我的心理医生。
She says I am not worthless but have agreed
她说我并非一文不值，但是默许了
to the theater of my worthlessness.
这场关于自己一文不值的戏剧上演。
That was March, though, a lifetime ago.
不过那是三月了，犹如隔世。
These days, I suspect the more I try
这些天，我怀疑我越努力
to be good, the less honest I am.
追求体面，就越是不够诚实。
So I am honest. And faulty. It is May
所以我变得诚实。而且满身瑕疵。已是五月
and rain collects on a black awning across
两棵微笑的树在对面黑色遮阳篷上倾倒雨水，
from two smiling trees, looking like pals,
它们就像老朋友一样，
green and funny, bottles of vodka piling up
翠绿而滑稽，伏特加酒瓶堆积在
at their trunks. The first time I fucked
它们的树干旁。我第一次和
a new person, they whispered, I’m going to be
一个新人上床时，他们都会低声说，我会对你
so good to you, a hand inside me, and I came,
那么好的，一只手探进我体内，我高潮了，
a fresh habit of pleasure, being loved well.
一种新鲜的快乐习惯，被好好地爱着。
The new person became a you, gardened
那个新的人变成了“你”，在我生命中
in my life and in the poem, and I felt
和这首诗里生根开花，我感受到了
the order of your love, bearable
你那井然有序的爱，可以承受
and sweet. And before I left
而且甜蜜。在我离开
your apartment in Jackson Heights
你位于杰克逊高地的公寓，
for the long commute back to Brooklyn,
开始返回布鲁克林的漫长通勤之前，
you looked at me and said: क्याा चीीज़ हैै तूू
你看着我说道：क्याा चीीज़ हैै तूू
What thing are you?, a Delhi phrase,
你是一种什么东西？一句德里方言，
while we stared like two unknown
当时我们像两个未知的物种一样对视着，
species, astonished to discover the other
惊异于在一片熟悉的土地上发现了彼此。
in a familiar field. You proposed, as a joke,
你在我的厨房里，半开玩笑地向我求婚。
in my kitchen. I said yes. I was not
我答应了。我当时并
in the mood for jokes or a honeymoon
不想要开玩笑、蜜月期
period or even novelty. You are a good
甚至是新鲜感。你是一个优秀的酷儿，
queer and don’t believe in marriage, but I said
不相信婚姻，但我说起
something about our grandparents,
了我们的祖辈，
how we are not better than anyone
我们并不比造就我们的任何人更好。
who made us. When we stepped back
当我们重新踏入世界时，恐惧，
into the world, terror, in all its simultaneity,
以其它所有的共时性
continued. In my head? Yes,
仍在继续。在我内心里？是的，
I said, yes I will. Yes.
我说，我愿意。是的。