I am haunted by how much our mothers do not know.

“我妈妈还不知道”，

How a republic falls because of its backhanded deals,

这个想法一直萦绕在我脑际。

stairwell secrets. My mother does not know I am lying

幕后的交易，黑暗楼梯的秘密，

with a man who is darker than me, that we do not

如何让一个共和国陷落？

have names for how we truly treat our bodies.

我妈妈不知道

What we do with them. The other possesses me.

我正和一个皮肤比我更黑的男人躺在一起，

Without him the perception of me fails to exist.

我们无法用名词描述我们如何对待自己的身体，

My mother now is taking her sheers and cutting

和对方的那个。那个“他者”占有了我。

through live shrimp. When I was a child she peeled

没有他我的感官将停止存在。

each flushed grape until only the pale fleshy bead

我妈妈现在正拿着她的小剪子，

remained. She placed them onto a plate in one shining

破开一头活着的虾。

mound, deseeded, in front of me. How I sucked and bled

当我还是个孩子的时候她会剥开每一个红透的葡萄，

the fruit of all their juice, hypnotized in front of the buzz

只留下灰色的肉脑袋。她会

of television in each version of my childhood. I am

把葡萄籽去掉，在盘子里堆出亮闪闪的一团放在我面前。

her daughter. This is certain. I am lying down with a man

我是如何吸吮，

who is darker than me and maybe this poem is my

让充满汁液的水果全面失血，

real republic, my face is my face, or is it stolen from

在电视机前被蜂鸣声催眠，

my mother and hung over mine? If I were a dream

度过我所有版本的儿童时代？我是

you could say my countenance was a string of flickering lights

她的女儿。这是绝对的事实。

made of teeth or an expression unraveling like a carpet

我正和一个皮肤比我更黑的男人躺在一起，

into a narrow river of another life. Does truth matter

可能这首诗是我真正的共和国。我的脸是我的脸，

when it's floating face up or face down?

还是我偷了我妈妈的挂在自己脸上？

The answer to this makes all the difference.!

如果我是一个梦

你可以说我的面容是牙齿的光芒一闪，

或者一种揭示性的表达，就像

放进隔世的狭窄河流的一块地毯？

当真相随水漂流，它是否在乎脸朝上还是朝下？

这个问题的答案至关重要。