身休醒来
the bo’y wakes up
身休看着它自己
the bo’y looks at itself
身休注意到有些东西缺失了
the bo’y notices something missing
仿佛多了一块肉，又仿佛少了一块肉
there is both too much and not enough flesh on the bo’y
身休被毛发覆盖
the bo’y is covered in hair
毛茸茸的身休
what a hairy bo’y
有些毛让它更像身休
some makes it look more like a bo’y
有些毛让它更像怪物
some makes it look more like a monster
身休没有从父亲那里学到如何刮毛
the bo’y did not learn to shave from its father
所以它自学了如何清理皮肤，割掉上面的东西
so it taught itself how to graze its skin and cut things off
身休失手切开了自己
the bo’y cuts itself by accident
这提醒身休它是个身休
the blood reminds the bo’y it is a bo’y
提醒身休身休流血的样子
reminds the bo’y how a bo’y bleeds
提醒身休不是每个身休都会流血
reminds the bo’y that not every bo’y bleeds
身休和一个女孩讨论流血
the bo’y talks to a girl about bleeding
她解释了这个身休如何运作
she explains how this bo’y works
这个身休和她的不同
this bo’y is different from hers
这个身休同时比她多了一块肉又少了一块肉
bo’y has too much and not enough flesh to be her
生物学决定了
the biology of a bo’y is just
身休永远都只是身休
bo’y will only ever be a bo’y
身休是黑色的
the bo’y is Black
身休永远将只是身休
so the bo’y is and will only ever be a bo’y
身休即使努力也成不了一个男人
the bo’y couldn’t be a man if it tried
但它努力了
the bo’y tried
身休感到被掏空
the bo’y feels empty
身休感到它将永远被掏空
the bo’y feels like it will only ever be empty
身休感到它永远不能承载别的身休内部的重量
the bo’y feels that it will never hold the weight of another bo’y inside of it
无论多少个“一”被安在这个身休里
no matter how many ds fit inside the bo’y
身休只是一个空壳
the bo’y is a hollow facade
它想要一个有说服力的外装修
it attempts a convincing veneer
身休买衣服——修饰它的大腿
bo’y dresses — what hips on the bo’y
身休涂抹脸蛋——修饰它的嘴唇
bo’y paints its face — what lips on the bo’y
身休用更可爱的标签装饰自己
bo’y adorns itself with labels written for lovelier frames
多么美的身休
what a beautiful bo’y
但仍然是个身休
still a bo’y
但它现在是一个咄咄逼人的身休
but a fierce bo’y now
一个华贵的身休
a royal bo’y now
一个可以被称为女王的身休
a bo’y worthy of being called queen
一个多么漂亮的戏法
what a dazzling ruse
让一个身休变成每个人都喜欢看到的谎言
to turn a bo’y into a lie everyone loves to look at
身休看着它自己
the bo’y looks at itself
它看到了对它光芒的惊异目光
the bo’y sees all the gawking at its gloss
听到了对它的缺失的强烈呼唤
the bo’y hears all the masses asking for its missing
身休已经尽其所能——
the bo’y offers all of its letters
身是父母所生
— ‘ b ’ for the birth
之后努力做“人”
— ‘ o ’ for the operation
然而就像木头一样缺少某个基因
— ‘ y ’ for the lack left in its genes
身休想要拥有那个基因
what this bo’y would abandon
即使代价是真实性的丧失
for the risk of being real
身休是真实的
the bo’y is real
足够真实，过于真实
enough and too much
它的存在就是对自己的抹煞
existing as its own erasure
——多么难以捉摸的“一”——
— what an elusive d —
无把抹去
evading removal
无法确认
avoiding recognition
身休被尴尬地留在那里
leaving just a bo’y
它从来没有失去
that is never lost
但也无法被找到
but can’t be found