Orange peels, burned letters, the car lights shining on the grass,
橘子皮，燒掉的信，照亮草叢的車燈，
everything goes somewhere—and everything we do—nothing
全部有目的地——我們所做的一切——全部
ever disappears. But changes. The roar of the sun in photographs.
不曾消失。但轉變。照片中太陽的咆哮。
Inching shorelines. Ice lines. The cells of our skin; our meetings,
挪移的海岸線。結冰線。我們皮膚中的細胞；我們的聚會，
our solitudes. Our eyes.
我們的獨處。我們的眼睛。
A bee careens at the window here; flies out, released: a life
蜜蜂在窗邊沖撞；飛出去，自由：一個生命
without harm, without shame. That woman, my friend,
不傷害，不羞愧。 那個女人，我的朋友，
circling against her life, a married life; that man, my friend,
逆著她的生活繞圈，一種婚姻生活；那個男人，我的朋友，
solitary, anarchic, driving away from home; them driving, to each
孤僻，不受約束，開車離家出走；他們開著車，駛向
other—
彼此——
I know, the hard, half-lost, knowing will; the cold first loneliness
我知道，那堅定的，一半缺失的，自覺的意志；那最初寒冷的孤獨
again, outside the commonweal, unmoving;
一再地，在公共生活之外，維持原樣；
But to say,
然而，說出
I know
我知道
—is there any touch in it?
——是否意味著接近？
The words in my dream: “actuarial file.”
我夢中出現的詞：「記錄在案。」錄入員，
Actuary, I. A registrar or
1.法庭上
notary, who keeps records of the acts of a court…
錄入事實，做記錄或公證的人……
To be there; to listen; not invade. Another solitude…
在場，傾聽；不侵犯。另一種孤獨……
I watch her face. The lines of will, kindness, hunger. Silence. She
我觀察她的臉。線條裏透出意志、善意、饑餓。沉默。她
moves from one thing to another thing in the kitchen, looks out
從廚房的一件事物走向另一件，看看窗外
the window at the other apartment windows…A woman moves
別人家公寓的窗戶……一個女人
around, across the courtyard, making supper. How many people is
走來走去，在天井對面，烹煮晚餐。她在為多少人
she making supper for? Now the woman waters the plants. What
做飯？現在她給植物澆水。她在思考著
is she thinking about. Her head, her arm, look peaceful…
什麼？她的頭，她的手臂，看上去那麼和諧……
“
「
Everything that happens, happens once and for all.
一切發生的事，發生一次便終止。
Is this true?
真的嗎？
If so, what then?”
真的，又如何？」
Yes. Your story; all of your hope; what you do, breaks. Changes.
是的。你的故事；你全部的希望；你完成，你打破。轉變，
“If so, what then?” Nothing disappears. And you do last;
「真的，又如何？」一切未曾消失。你將是最後一個；
The words in the open page of her notebook,
她筆記本上攤開的一頁寫著，
I’m so cold. My
我好冷，我
head hurts.
頭疼。
Come stay here, at my place, a while.—Someday we will be able
到這裏來，來我這裏，待一會。——有一天我們終將
to say, I did this thing; I did that other thing; I was that woman.
說出，這件事是我所為；還有那一件；我就是那個女人。
Someday, we will be able to take it in, that violence, hold it in our
有一天，我們終將接受這一切，暴力，把它握在我們的
hands … And the ones who come after us, maybe they can
手裏……那在我們之後到來的人，或許會
understand us; forgive us; as we do forgive our parents, our
理解我們；原諒我們；正如我們原諒我們的父母，我們的
grandparents, moving so distantly through their lives…their
祖父母，他們遊離於遠處的生活，他們的
silences…
靜默……
And the ones we were with maybe our friendship can change,
還有那些曾經親近的人 但願我們的情誼會改變，
can mend…
會修補……
Come stay here.
到這裏來。
Things change…
事情會改變……
She stays home;
她留在家裏；
Not to invade Wait, here, in the quiet
不侵犯 期待著，在原地，在安寧中