first

首先

i went for my words

我对我那些话下手

the i can'ts. i won'ts. i am not good enoughs.

那些“我不能”“我不会”“我不够好”

i lined them up and shot them dead

我把它们排成一列，全部击毙

then i went for my thoughts

然后来收拾我的思想

invisible and everywhere

它们无形又无处不在

there was no time to gather them one by one

没有时间一一收集

i had to wash them out

我只能把它们冲洗掉

i wove a linen cloth out of my hair

我用自己的头发织了一块亚麻布

soaked it in a bowl of mint and lemon water

浸在一碗薄荷与柠檬水中

carried it in my mouth as i climbed

含在嘴里

up my braid to the back of my head

顺着辫子向上攀爬

down on my knees i began to wipe my mind clean

抵达后脑

it took twenty-one days

我跪下

my knees bruised but

开始擦拭我的大脑

i did not care

整整二十一天

i was not given the breath

膝盖淤青

in my lungs to choke it out

但我不在乎

i would scrub the self-hate off the bone

我既然被赐予肺里这口呼吸

till it exposed love

就要把那些东西统统呛出去

我要把自我厌恶

- self-love

从骨头上刷洗干净

直到露出爱

——自爱