这一切只是装饰吗，

Was it all simply adornment,

看着雨从太阳落下，

watching the rain fall from the sun,

还是那只哀鸠，嘴里衔着

or the mourning dove that carried

钱包大小的照片？

the wallet-sized photo in its beak?

回头看，是真的——

Looking back, it was true—

我已经无法看到这一切的美，

I had stopped seeing the beauty in it all,

只是活在每一个瞬间，

living from moment to moment,

期望得到微小的愉悦，

looking to be granted some small sense

仿佛它们随喘息或施舍而来。

of pleasure, as if by respite or charity.

是真的——我害怕坦诚开口，

It was true—I was afraid to speak honestly

谈欲望与满足之间的距离，

about the distance between desire and what

谈那种不停的尝试，

is enough, about the kind of trying that comes

希望能够共同成长，或者摆脱幻影的纠缠。

from wanting to grow together and the kind that comes

我的爱啊，孤独是可怕的——

from wanting to free oneself from apparitions.

每一刻走在墓地里，

My love, loneliness is terrible—every

想着你已经失去的，

moment spent walking through the graveyard,

以及还将失去的一切。世间确有美丽之物——

thinking about all the things you’ve lost,

日出前的沙漠天空，星光与残月，

all the things there are left to lose. There are beautiful things—

晚秋池塘的静谧，有时，在做爱时，

the desert sky just before sunrise, the light of the stars

或在吵架时，更大的真理

and the waning moon, the late autumn stillness of a pond,

会悬在我们上方，如同光环。

the way that, sometimes, when making love,

现在你可以知道为何我珍视宁静，

or at war with one another, the greater truth

把我们的关系比作自然灾害。

would hover just above us, like a halo.

如今，我将它神圣化，

One can see now why I value stillness,

像晚祷般进行日常仪式。

considering our relationship

我看见一只岩鸽落在咖啡馆的桌上。

to natural disaster. These days, I glorify it,

我看着坐在桌旁的人开始大笑。

perform my daily rituals like vespers.

我看着那只鸟在桌上排便。我看着人们的表情变化，

I watch a rock pigeon land on a cafe

我看着那只鸟——感到轻盈、

table. I watch the people seated at

自由，一切束缚骤然减少——飞回

the table begin to laugh. I watch the bird

大道对面屋顶的鸟巢。

shit on the table. I watch the people’s faces change,

是的，我的爱，这一直是真的——

and I watch the bird—feeling lighter,

但需要时间，来改变你的心。

freer, less encumbered by it all—fly back

to its nest on a rooftop across the avenue.

Yes, love, it’s always been true—

but it takes time to change your heart.