Was it all simply adornment,

这一切只是装饰吗，

watching the rain fall from the sun,

看着雨从太阳落下，

or the mourning dove that carried

还是那只哀鸠，嘴里衔着

the wallet-sized photo in its beak?

钱包大小的照片？

Looking back, it was true—

回头看，是真的——

I had stopped seeing the beauty in it all,

我已经无法看到这一切的美，

living from moment to moment,

只是活在每一个瞬间，

looking to be granted some small sense

期望得到微小的愉悦，

of pleasure, as if by respite or charity.

仿佛它们随喘息或施舍而来。

It was true—I was afraid to speak honestly

是真的——我害怕坦诚开口，

about the distance between desire and what

谈欲望与满足之间的距离，

is enough, about the kind of trying that comes

谈那种不停的尝试，

from wanting to grow together and the kind that comes

希望能够共同成长，或者摆脱幻影的纠缠。

from wanting to free oneself from apparitions.

我的爱啊，孤独是可怕的——

My love, loneliness is terrible—every

每一刻走在墓地里，

moment spent walking through the graveyard,

想着你已经失去的，

thinking about all the things you’ve lost,

以及还将失去的一切。世间确有美丽之物——

all the things there are left to lose. There are beautiful things—

日出前的沙漠天空，星光与残月，

the desert sky just before sunrise, the light of the stars

晚秋池塘的静谧，有时，在做爱时，

and the waning moon, the late autumn stillness of a pond,

或在吵架时，更大的真理

the way that, sometimes, when making love,

会悬在我们上方，如同光环。

or at war with one another, the greater truth

现在你可以知道为何我珍视宁静，

would hover just above us, like a halo.

把我们的关系比作自然灾害。

One can see now why I value stillness,

如今，我将它神圣化，

considering our relationship

像晚祷般进行日常仪式。

to natural disaster. These days, I glorify it,

我看见一只岩鸽落在咖啡馆的桌上。

perform my daily rituals like vespers.

我看着坐在桌旁的人开始大笑。

I watch a rock pigeon land on a cafe

我看着那只鸟在桌上排便。我看着人们的表情变化，

table. I watch the people seated at

我看着那只鸟——感到轻盈、

the table begin to laugh. I watch the bird

自由，一切束缚骤然减少——飞回

shit on the table. I watch the people’s faces change,

大道对面屋顶的鸟巢。

and I watch the bird—feeling lighter,

是的，我的爱，这一直是真的——

freer, less encumbered by it all—fly back

但需要时间，来改变你的心。

to its nest on a rooftop across the avenue.

Yes, love, it’s always been true—

but it takes time to change your heart.