When I learned I had power to build

当我得知自己有实力在这个市场立足时，

on this market, I took it. The currency

我抓住了它。一个十七岁女孩

placed on the mouth

嘴唇上的价值，让女孩自己

of a seventeen-year-old girl is startling

都感到震惊。我，一个八零后，

to the girl herself. Child of the 80s, I understood

明白什么都不是免费的，宝贝儿。

you don’t get anything for free, baby.

所以，当我闺蜜的哥哥轻轻地抓住我的右手，

So when the brother of my best friend

然后用他的左手，小心翼翼地，

reached gently for my right hand and

就像一个人为重要的客人摆放桌布和瓷器一样，

placed it, delicately, with his left—

把它放在他坚硬的吉吉上——

the way one might set linens and china

那是我刚帮他叠好洗过的衣服之后——

on the table for an important guest

我看到了机会。作为学校的摔跤手，

—atop his hard dick

我知道他会跟着我上楼，

after I’d just helped him fold his family’s laundry,

因为他喜欢练习把我按倒。

I saw an opportunity. A wrestler at school,

那时我高三的秋季已经来临，我害怕

I knew he would follow me up the stairs

带着未被触碰的嘴唇离开高中，

because he liked to practice pinning me.

这可能会降低我的人力资本估值。

Already the autumn of my senior year, I was afraid

明白吗，当我把手抽回，

of what leaving high school with untouched

从那个巢穴退回到楼上的厨房时，

lips might indicate about my human capital.

这并非自我保护，

Understand, when I pulled my hand away,

而是兴奋。一个私密的时刻。

to retreat from the den to the upstairs kitchen,

我告诉自己我准备好了，

this was not an act of self-preservation

当他找到我，搂住我的腰，把我带进

but exhilaration. A private minute.

家里的储藏室，在那里他要一个口活儿。

I told myself I was ready

这大概是传说中的“市场标准差”。

when he found me, held my waist and walked me

我说：“我甚至都没被亲过。”

into the family pantry, where he asked me

他把身体的重量压在我身上，

to suck his dick. Presumably a standard deviation

我的身体撞掉了储藏室货架上的包裹。

of the market. I said, I’ve never even been kissed.

它几乎刚开始就结束了，

He pushed his weight on top of me, my body

当他再次用力，我就抽出了，

knocking the parcels off the pantry shelves.

甚至没来得及考虑它是否能够值回一次初吻。

It was almost over as soon as it began, when he pressed

我猜，这总比啥也没有好，

again, pulling it out, before I had a chance to consider

即使我需要讨价还价才能得到它。

whether or not it was worth a first kiss. I guess

it was better than nothing, even if I had to haggle for it.