我走着，从兴奋到欢乐，从欢乐到极度欢乐，

Moving from Cheer to Joy, from Joy to All,

我提着一个盒子

I take a box

向内面添加点野食，我的考尼什雏鸡正与母鸡嬉戏。

And add it to my wild rice, my Cornish game hens.

这松垮的、短小的、篮子样的、同一种

The slacked or shorted, basketed, identical

食物合成的家禽

Food-gathering flocks

就是我忽略了的自我。威廉 ·詹姆士说，

Are selves I overlook. Wisdom, said William James,

智慧，就是学会忽略点什么。我是智慧的，

如果那也算是智慧的话。

Is learning what to overlook. And I am wise

可无论如何，当我从搁板上买下这一切

If that is wisdom.

这男孩提着它放到我的行李车上时，

Yet somehow, as I buy All from these shelves

我变成了这副模样

And the boy takes it to my station wagon,

即使闭上眼睛，我也烦恼不已。

What I’ve become

Troubles me even if I shut my eyes.

年轻时，我痛苦、优美

而又贫困，我渴望

When I was young and miserable and pretty

所有女孩子渴望的东西：丈夫

And poor, I’d wish

房子和小孩。如今我老了，我的愿望

What all girls wish: to have a husband,

只是一个妇人的愿望:

A house and children. Now that I’m old, my wish

希望这男孩把杂货放到我的车上时

Is womanish:

That the boy putting groceries in my car

看看我。他没有看我，这让我沮丧。

多年来

See me. It bewilders me he doesn’t see me.

我美得秀色可餐：世界看着我

For so many years

嘴边淌着口水。那些陌生人的目光

I was good enough to eat: the world looked at me

是如何频频地剥光了我呵！

And its mouth watered. How often they have undressed me,

同时，把肉体插在我的肉体间，把卑污的想象

The eyes of strangers!

And, holding their flesh within my flesh, their vile

插进我的想象，

我也由此抓住了

Imaginings within my imagining,

生活的机会。此刻这男孩拍着我的狗

I too have taken

我们开始回家。此刻我是愉快的。

The chance of life. Now the boy pats my dog

那最终证实为错误的、

And we start home. Now I am good.

狂喜的、意外的福分，那盲目的

The last mistaken,

Ecstatic, accidental bliss, the blind

幸福，突然留下满手

破碎的肥皂泡——

Happiness that, bursting, leaves upon the palm

那是很久以前，可回溯起许多同性恋者

Some soap and water—

二十，九十，我记不得了…今天我思念起

It was so long ago, back in some Gay

我的放学途中的

Twenties, Nineties, I don’t know . . . Today I miss

可爱的女儿，儿子，

My lovely daughter

Away at school, my sons away at school,

以及下班的丈夫—— 我祝福他们。

在他们之中，狗、女仆

My husband away at work—I wish for them.

和我，在家中过着安稳

The dog, the maid,

而恒常的日子。我检点我的生活，

And I go through the sure unvarying days

我唯一害怕的是

At home in them. As I look at my life,

生活会改变，因为我正在改变：

I am afraid

Only that it will change, as I am changing:

今天早晨，我害怕我的脸。

它带着我憎恨的眼神，

I am afraid, this morning, of my face.

憎恨的微笑，从后视镜中

It looks at me

望着我。它刻板的、皱纹样的、

From the rear-view mirror, with the eyes I hate,

灰暗的、洞悉的表情

The smile I hate. Its plain, lined look

反复对我说：“你老了。”这就是全部，我老了。

Of gray discovery

Repeats to me: “You’re old.” That’s all, I’m old.

可我害怕，在昨天参加的

一个葬礼上，

And yet I’m afraid, as I was at the funeral

我朋友冰冷的整过容的脸，像花丛中的花岗石。

I went to yesterday.

她赤裸的、动过手术的、被打扮过的遗体

My friend’s cold made-up face, granite among its flowers,

就像是我的脸和肉身。

Her undressed, operated-on, dressed body

当我想起她时，我听见她告诉我

Were my face and body.

As I think of her and I hear her telling me

我好像很年轻；我是一个例外；

这使我想起我所拥有的一切。

How young I seem; I am exceptional;

可没有人真正是例外，

I think of all I have.

没有人拥有什么，我只是其中的任何一个，

But really no one is exceptional,

我站在我的墓地边

No one has anything, I’m anybody,

拒斥着生活，墓地是个普通的地方且无比坚固 。

I stand beside my grave

Confused with my life, that is commonplace and solitary.