离婚的爸爸和批萨硬边之间的联系

The connection between divorced fathers and pizza crusts

是可以理解的。离婚的爸爸做饭时

is understandable. The divorced father does not cook

是没有自信的。他想要小孩享受用餐。

confidently. He wants his kid to enjoy dinner.

整个的周末应当是开心的。小孩们爱批萨。

The entire weekend is supposed to be fun. Kids love

温软柔顺的东西因为某种原因参与进来

pizza. For some reason involving soft warmth and malleability

只是不知道为什么小孩在喜欢吃其他奶酪之前，

kids approve of melted cheese on pizza

先接受了批萨上熔化的奶酪。

years before they will tolerate cheese in other situations.

所以离婚的爸爸把小孩和朋友们带到外面吃批萨。

So the divorced father takes the kid and the kid's friend

小孩们吃得比爸爸快。

out for pizza. The kids eat much faster than the dad.

在爸爸吃完第二牙批萨之前

Before the dad has finished his second slice,

孩子们已经在玩电子游戏，或者成为了神探飞机头

the kids are playing a video game or being Ace Ventura

或者用吸管吹唾沫粘成的纸团，冰雹一样

or blowing spitballs through straws, making this hail

到处都是没法收拾。还剩下四牙批萨，

that can't quite be cleaned up. There are four slices left

离婚的爸爸不想浪费它们，

and the divorced father doesn't want them wasted,

因为垃圾已经够多了；他坐在那里，

there has been enough waste already; he sits there

穿着他的风衣吃完批萨。这些都还好，

in his windbreaker finishing the pizza. It's good

只是吃那些批萨硬边不是很享受——

except the crust is actually not so great—

在吃完第二牙之后它们已经成为苦差使——

after the second slice the crust is basically a chore—

所以你抛弃它们。你拿起另一牙完整的批萨。

so you leave it. You move on to the next loaded slice.

最终你会置身于一堆批萨硬边之中。

Finally there you are amid rims of crust.

所有这些都是可以理解的。没有什么黑暗阴谋参与其中。

All this is understandable. There's no dark conspiracy.

同时小孩们玩得相当开心，

Meanwhile the kids are having a pretty good time

这就足够了。所以整个夜晚

which is the whole point. So the entire evening makes

都没有逃出理智的范围。所以离婚的爸爸

clear sense. Now the divorced father gathers

收集好沾上了酱汁的餐巾纸倒进垃圾筒

the sauce-stained napkins for the trash and dumps them

也把一堆批萨硬边倒进去，

and dumps the rims of crust which are not

它们并不是战场上的尸体。“可理解性”充满

corpses on a battlefield. Understandability

了批萨店，以至于这里再也无法

fills the pizza shop so thoroughly there's no room

装下任何东西。现在他站在门口召唤小孩们

for anything else. Now he's at the door summoning the kids

小孩听他的，当然会听，因为他是爸爸。

and they follow, of course they do, he's a dad.