On our first trip to the beach together I cut my foot on sharp rocks lining the shore and watched the ocean lick the crimson clean off, the salt on my tongue a slight distraction from the deep blue, the wide open, the playground sting. I’m sorry my flesh is softer than it has to be, my skin thinner than yours. I’m sorry there are parts of me I have scrubbed raw, hurt; I only wanted to be polished, untainted, good

我们第一次一起去海边，我在一块海岸边尖利的岩石上划破了脚，然后看大海舔去了那红色，我脚趾上的海盐分散了注意力，让我稍稍忽视海蓝之深，大洋之阔，操场受伤一般的疼。我很抱歉我的肉体比应有的水准要柔弱，我的皮肤比你的要薄。抱歉我的一部分已经皮开肉绽，疼；我只想完美无瑕，纤尘不染，宛如新生。

as new. I’m sorry I didn’t see the waves crashing, didn’t see any of this coming; I’m sorry I wasn’t careful, or strong. When the sea soaked up my blood that day I thought maybe it needed to drink too, needed to kiss, needed to need. I thought maybe you had always been right — when you drain my body of tears you also drain it of salt and dust so that you can shrink me down two sizes smaller and I can fit neatly into your life without taking up too much space, so that you can carry me with you wherever you go, to cities and mountains and valleys and all the oceans

对不起我没有看到惊涛拍岸，没有看到任何威胁来袭；对不起我不小心，也不强健。当我看到大海吸去我的血，我想或许它也喜欢喝水，需要亲吻，需要去需要。我想或许你一直是对的——当你把我身体里的眼泪抽干你也抽干了我身体里的盐和尘土，这样你可以把我缩小一号，这样我就可以被塞进你的生活中，不会占太大的地方，这样你就可以把我带到任何你要去的地方，任何你还没有探索过的城市、山脉、山谷，和所有的海洋。

you’ve never explored. Tell me, please, if you find something. Tell me if you need me to search, too. Tell me if there are places you still have to visit, things you still have to unearth. Tell me if there’s any way to love you, deep blue and wide open, soft and scrubbed and thin, flesh and skin, shrinking bones, raw parts, any way at all, without letting myself bleed.

如果你发现了什么，请你告诉我。如果你需要我去找什么东西，也请你告诉我。告诉我是否还有你仍然需要造访的地方，仍然需要去挖掘的事物。告诉我是否还有别的爱你的方式，海蓝般深，大洋般阔，柔软轻薄和破开，如同肌和肤，如同缩小的骨，如同新鲜的伤口，什么都行，就是不要让我流血。